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Books so nice you’ll want to read them twice

What Should I Read Next episode 370: Re-reading for depth and discovery

a stack of hardcover books next to a cup of tea

When you’ve got an overflowing to-be-read pile, it can be a tricky decision to dedicate some of your limited reading time to re-reading. Today’s guest, Rosalynn Tyo, deeply appreciates re-reading and wants to do more of it. But Rosalynn regularly finds herself distracted by the new releases or unread titles she finds at her local library or bookstore, and she’d love my suggestions to help her resist the siren song of the unread pile.

Rosalynn finds deep gratification in revisiting beloved stories, so today we’ll talk about how she can identify the much-loved titles that merit a re-read. I’ll also suggest some titles that I hope will end up on her re-reading shelf.

In addition to talking books today, I couldn’t resist asking Rosalynn all about her recent intergenerational book pilgrimage to Prince Edward Island, the land of Anne of Green Gables. I think you’ll enjoy hearing about it as much as I did!

If you have reading suggestions or re-reading tips for Rosalynn, let us know in the comments section below.

Readers, take note that in this episode we touch on the death of a spouse and unexpected widowhood. If that sounds like it would be upsetting for you to listen to right now, you may want to save this episode for the future.

What Should I Read Next #370: Books so nice you'll want to read them twice, with Rosalynn Tyo

Connect with Rosalynn on Substack.

Anne Bogel [00:00:00] I just realized as you're describing these things that what I'm picturing in my mind are just scenes from the Kevin Sullivan movies.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:00:07] Yes. Yeah, it's accurate.

Anne Bogel [00:00:09] Okay, good. That's a relief.

[00:00:18] Hey readers, I'm Anne Bogel and this is What Should I Read Next? Welcome to the show that's dedicated to answering the question that plagues every reader, What Should I Read Next? We don't get bossy on the show. What we will do here is give you the information you need to choose your next read. Every week we'll talk all things books and reading and do a little literary matchmaking with one guest.

[00:00:49] Readers, today's guest recently checked off a bookish bucket list item, an intergenerational book pilgrimage to Prince Edward Island, the land of Anne of Green Gables. You'll hear more about that today because I have been dreaming of making such a trip for several decades and I would love to hear more.

Rosalynn Tyo guest's admission also caught my eye because she deeply appreciates rereading, and wants to do more of it. But she keeps getting distracted by new books, so she's looking for help. Rosalynn loves the feeling of cultivating deep and long-term relationships with a book she loves. That's why she wants more rereading in her life.

But this is tricky, and not for the reasons you might think. When it comes to leading readers away from their good intentions, social media is a common culprit. But that's not it for Rosalynn. She's not even on social, yet she still has a lengthy and growing TBR from her regular trips to the library and bookstore.

Because of all those unread books calling her name, it's tempting for Rosalynn to prioritize starting new to her books that will let her strike a title from that list, even though she knows that's not what she truly wants.

That's why today we're discussing ideas on how Rosalynn might steer clear of the siren song of the unread pile, and instead identify the much love titles that would be deeply gratifying to revisit. I'm excited to talk all things rereading for Rosalynn and give her solid suggestions to help her find satisfaction in her reading life.

Friends, you should know that in this episode we touch on the death of a spouse and unexpected widowhood. If that sounds like it would be upsetting for you to listen to right now, I would recommend saving this episode for later or skipping it today. Let's get to it.

[00:02:18] Rosalynn, welcome to the show.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:02:23] Thank you so much for having me.

Anne Bogel [00:02:25] Oh, it's my pleasure. I'm so excited to just talk today. Tell me a little bit about what you do and where you are in the world.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:02:31] Well, I'm in Ontario in Waterloo. I am a freelance writer now but I have been a literary magazine editor and a proposal writer and a copywriter in the past. So reading and books have always been important to me, like both professionally and personally.

Anne Bogel [00:02:48] Do I remember correctly that you're an English major?

Rosalynn Tyo [00:02:50] Yes. Yes, I was.

Anne Bogel [00:02:52] Okay, so this is a love that goes way back?

Rosalynn Tyo [00:02:55] Oh, yes. My mom is a big reader too. I think she taught me to read before I started kindergarten. And basically as soon as I could read a full-length book, I started doing that, never stopped.

Anne Bogel [00:03:11] I know you have two young daughters. Has it been important for you to instill the deep love in reading in their lives as best you're able?

Rosalynn Tyo [00:03:17] Yeah. I always hoped that they would become big readers too. We read together every night, I mean, now they're a little older. But when they were little, I would read to them every night. And whenever they asked, you know, if somebody crawled into my lap with a book, I'd always say yes. And I guess it worked because they're both big readers now too.

Anne Bogel [00:03:36] And they went along on your PEI pilgrimage. Is that right?

Rosalynn Tyo [00:03:41] Yes.

Anne Bogel [00:03:42] Tell me a little about that family trip. I had been dreaming of going to PEI since I was probably your daughter's age and started reading L. M. Montgomery. And also I know we have so many listeners who have either been or are dreaming of going. So we're gonna be jotting notes for our potential travels, or for the time being just vicariously experiencing Prince Edward Island through your eyes. So hubris, tell us everything.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:04:04] So I read Anne of Green Gables when I was maybe like 11 or 12. Like my mom before me, and then I passed it on to my daughters who also fell in love with the story. And we decided to go to PEI to see all of the places that are in the book. When you get to the island you can still see the house that inspired Green Gables, you can see the Lake of Shining Waters, you can see the red sands of the beaches. It's a really beautiful place.

Anne Bogel [00:04:36] I just realized as you're describing these things that what I'm picturing in my mind are just scenes from the Kevin Sullivan movies.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:04:42] Yes. Yeah, it's accurate.

Anne Bogel [00:04:44] Okay, good, that's a relief. How long did you all plan to spend in PEI?

Rosalynn Tyo [00:04:50] Well, we rented a cottage and stayed for a week. And a week is definitely more than enough time to see all of the Anne sites because it's a very small island but it's very beautiful. And there's many reasons to go besides all of the Anne sites. But we saw the house, we saw the musical, we saw the little desk where she mailed her manuscripts, we saw everything.

Anne Bogel [00:05:16] Oh, that's amazing.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:05:18] Yes.

Anne Bogel [00:05:18] What else did you all enjoy doing that wasn't necessarily on the official Anne itinerary?

Rosalynn Tyo [00:05:24] Well, we spent a lot of time at the beach, which is another one of my favorite things to do. We spent some time in Charlottetown. I mean, I guess we spent most of our time doing the Anne itinerary.

Anne Bogel [00:05:36] Well, that sounds like an amazing trip, and I'm so glad that you and your family have these memories and that shared experience that you got to do together.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:05:43] Yeah, it's amazing. We looked forward to it for years before we went.

Anne Bogel [00:05:47] Oh, tell me more about that.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:05:49] Well, we were originally supposed to go, I guess, in the summer of 2020, and obviously, that didn't happen.

Anne Bogel [00:05:56] Right.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:05:57] And we didn't get to go the year after. So we looked forward to it for quite some time. Which was good because actually by the time we got to go, the girls are both a little older. Chelsea is 12 now and Samantha is 9. So I think they actually got more out of it, could appreciate it more, and will remember it better.

Anne Bogel [00:06:16] And it seemed like that was a good age to take the trip.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:06:19] Mm-hmm. So they're like old enough to appreciate it but not like teenagers yet, and kind of like over spending time with their mom.

Anne Bogel [00:06:27] I'm sure you will have amazing pictures then from that trip.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:06:32] Mm-hmm. There is one picture of us all around... Like my daughters and I all like dressed up in Anne costume. So at the Visitor Center, right when you cross the bridge, there's a Visitor Center. And part of that is this little kind of set where you can put on the Anne costumes and have your pictures taken. So my girls and I did that. And we were in line to do it behind a father and son getting their pictures taken.

Anne Bogel [00:06:59] Oh, that makes me so happy.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:07:00] Yeah. So there's pictures on the wall of lots of people who have done it. And it's like all genders, all ages. It's not just, you know, like mother-daughters. I guess Anne is for everyone. Everyone loves her.

Anne Bogel [00:07:15] Anne is for everyone. I'm so glad to hear it. I mean, we've seen the Prince Edward Island landscapes in the Kevin Sullivan movies. I mean, how could you... You know, I'm always saying here like reading is personal, experience is personal, and yet it's hard to imagine not loving that.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:07:31] Yeah.

Anne Bogel [00:07:32] Thanks for painting that picture of the trip. For those of us who will only experience it vicariously and for those of us dreaming of going, we appreciate hearing a little bit about what it was like for you and your family.

Rosalynn, now back in your home in Ontario, what is your reading life like these days? What kind of titles are you focusing on? What does your rhythm feel like? I'd love to hear.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:07:54] Well, I've always got at least one novel and one work of nonfiction on the go at the same time. So I'll read the fiction before bed and the nonfiction in the daytime usually. And in terms of fiction, what I'm really drawn to lately is family stories. Specifically like found family stories or stories with just one parent or just kind of like unconventional families. That's kind of what I'm really into at the moment.

Anne Bogel [00:08:27] How long have you been reading thematically along those lines? I'm wondering if that has been a big change of pace for you.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:08:33] I'd say I've always been drawn to family stories but more so since I became a parent myself, which is some time ago now. I mean, my oldest daughter is 12. So I guess I've been reading more family stories for the past decade or so. And lately I've been particularly drawn to stories of found families and stories with one parent in the family because that's my situation now too.

So I'm kind of reading to see a reflection of my own experience and also just to learn and to think about my own situation differently, and just to feel less alone in it. I guess it can be kind of lonely to be the only parent in your household.

Anne Bogel [00:09:20] Yeah. I'm imagining, based on your longtime love of books, that you've often turned to the written word to see yourself and discover ideas—not completely foreign to you—that might help you understand your own situation a little bit differently, a little bit better.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:09:35] Yeah, I'd say that's exactly right.

Anne Bogel [00:09:37] Okay. And so that's what that looks like right now. Rosalynn, I'm gathering a picture of your reading life in part so we can recommend books you may enjoy reading next. And that means we get to talk about rereading. Tell me about this interest in developing as you call it deeper, long-term relationships with some of the books that you know you have already read and loved.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:09:58] Well, I've always admired people who just know their favorite books so well, you know that they can like quote from them as well. You know what I mean? Like they remember the plot perfectly well and have these deep connection to the characters. I would like to have that too.

But I do find that when I read a book just once it's not long enough for me to form that kind of relationship. I don't have the greatest memory in the world. So if I'm going to form a relationship with a book like that, I have to reread it.

The first time I read it I'm just interested in, I guess, like, what's going to happen. I don't want to take notes, I don't want to necessarily analyze it as I'm reading it. But I love to do that on a second read. But like you said in the introduction, it's really hard to go back to a book that I already know sometimes when there's just so many books that I haven't read yet.

Anne Bogel [00:10:57] You mentioned that you thought that might be the English major in you that is calling you to explore all the books out there and yet, at the same time, calling you to go deep with a few titles you feel would really be worth your while to do so.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:11:09] Yeah, like I'd like to have more of a balance, I guess, in my reading life. To like go back to some titles that really repay rereading and then also still have enough time to, you know, read the new and shiny.

Anne Bogel [00:11:25] There can be room for both in a reader's life and on a reader's bookshelf. Rosalynn, is this plan to reread more only in the wishing and dreaming stage or have you tried to incorporate this practice into your life already? I'm just wondering what might have worked or what strategies might be promising as we move forward.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:11:47] I would say yes, I have been rereading a bit recently, but just not as much as I would like to because I guess I'm still having a hard time resisting competing to stick with the new books I haven't read yet.

Anne Bogel [00:12:02] What appeals to you about the new and unread?

Rosalynn Tyo [00:12:04] The discovery. I know how some of my favorite books are going to end, of course. I guess that's what it is, is like the thrill of the new discovery.

Anne Bogel [00:12:17] I appreciate you not laughing outright in my face when I asked you. So what we want to do today is help you think about how to incorporate both depth and discovery into your reading life. And I think that'll seem a lot more attractive with the right mix of titles on your horizon.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:12:31] Yes, I think so.

Anne Bogel [00:12:33] Rosalynn, today we're going to find some good books for you to read and reread. And to do that, I think we need to hear about your books. Are you ready to dig in?

Rosalynn Tyo [00:12:41] Yes, I think so.

Anne Bogel [00:12:43] Well, you know how this works. You're going to tell me three books you love, one book you don't, and what you've been reading lately, and we'll explore titles you may enjoy reading next. Rosalynn, how did you choose these for today?

Rosalynn Tyo [00:12:54] Okay, so the books that I picked are all books that I have reread. And it's a shorter list because I've read quite a few books and don't reread as much as I like. So my first book is 2 A.M. at the Cat's Pajamas. Have you read this one?

Anne Bogel [00:13:13] I have not.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:13:14] Oh, okay. Well, you should.

Anne Bogel [00:13:19] So good. That's a good beginning.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:13:19] It's so good.

Anne Bogel [00:13:20] Tell me all about it.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:13:21] Okay, so I took this book out from the library last summer, and I read it twice before I returned it. Like I read it once through and then, "oh, I need to read this again," and immediately restarted and read it again, which is really unusual for me that a book insists on my rereading it so soon, you know. So that's why I picked this one.

I really love it, because her use of language is just really inventive and evocative. And it's like it's a very short book. But what she does, like she can do something in a sentence that maybe another writer would take a paragraph to do. Every word is like a hard-working word, it's very powerful. There's a lot packed into each little phrase.

Anne Bogel [00:14:13] This is a book that unfolds over the course of a single day, isn't it? Or I think it's actually a single evening.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:14:18] I think it's 24 hours. Approximately 24 hours, I guess. Yeah. So it's a really short timeframe and it's a really short book, but yet it's amazing how well she brings these characters in this place to life in such a short timeframe. Like short number of pages, short number of hours, I guess that we know these characters, but yet you feel like you know them so well. Or I did.

And they're all just I guess really wonderfully like human characters. They're all flawed in their way but also just doing their best in really difficult situations, each one and is kind of sticking by each other. It's really funny, but it's also really heartwarming.

It's the story of Madeleine. She's a nine-year-old girl who wants nothing more than to sing on a stage. I don't want to spoil what happens in the book because it's such a short little plot, and I don't want to spoil it. But it's about how she goes about achieving that dream.

Anne Bogel [00:15:20] Well, that sounds delightful. That's 2 A.M. at the Cat's Pajamas, which has been on my radar for years, but I don't think I've ever purchased it or checked it out from the library. But thanks for recommending it.

Rosalynn, tell me about the next book you love.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:15:35] Okay, so the next book I picked is called French Exit by Patrick DeWitt. And it too is like a short book with really vividly drawn characters, takes place over a fairly short time. The main characters are Frances, a widow, and her adult son Malcolm, and they have kind of like Lucille and Buster Bluth 5[a]. Have you seen it?

Anne Bogel [00:16:02] I have.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:16:02] Yeah. So you'll know what I mean. So like, yeah, Frances, the widow she's very, like, witty and sharp, and like everyone's afraid of her. And her son Malcolm is kind of like a man-child. You know, like he's kind of adrift. He hasn't quite grown up yet and he's kind of... So they're very close.

But what's happened is that after her husband dies, she kind of spends her money really recklessly. So they're facing bankruptcy, but they don't want to stick around in New York and have that happen, and like the embarrassment of all that. So they kind of scrape together what they've got left and restart their lives in Paris.

And once they're there, they get into some really absurd kind of situations and meet even more kind of colorful characters and... It's really funny but also really quite sad in places. And I guess that's one of my favorite combinations in a book, is like books that'll make you laugh even though the situation is dark. I really love this book.

Anne Bogel [00:17:09] Another short one.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:17:10] Yes, yes. Short, but they pack so much into each paragraph and into each page. And I just really admire that, writers who can say so much in so few words. And not that I don't like really long books. I do.

Anne Bogel [00:17:30] Just not today.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:17:32] Right.

Anne Bogel [00:17:33] Rosalynn, what's the final book that you love?

Rosalynn Tyo [00:17:36] I wanted to pick a nonfiction book that I've reread as well, because that's another one of my favorite genres. And it's a book of personal essays by Barbara Kingsolver called High Tide in Tucson.

It's one of her earlier books, I think. The essays in the book were published in other magazines before they came out in the book. So it's kind of a time capsule at this point, because it's an older book. But also the themes are quite timeless. She writes about motherhood and she writes about...

There's an essay in here about housework and traveling with her young daughter to another country, and how children are treated differently in other countries as opposed to the United States where she's from. I think she goes to Spain and her daughter is treated like a princess. Whereas she has a different experience back at home where strangers see her as like, oh, more inconvenient.

Anne Bogel [00:18:40] And you know what's so funny? One of the essays in this book is about a hermit crab named Buster. And you're just talking about Buster and Lucille.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:18:45] Oh, yes.

Anne Bogel [00:18:47] Nicely connected.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:18:49] Nice connection, yes. It's one of those books... I really love it because she blends the personal together with political and reporting writing so seamlessly. You feel like you're in conversation with her almost. It's one of those books that kind of fell into my lap right when I needed to read it.

I distinctly remember the first time I read it, because it was some, like, ungodly hour, like 3 a.m. I was up with a newborn and it was my first daughter, and the experience was just not going the way I had expected. I thought, you know, like, Oh. You know, I had all these ideas about like maternity leave and how like I would, you know, put my daughter down for a nap and do a bit of writing. And that's just not how it was going at all.

And so it was kind of nice to read a book of personal essays about another writer who was also a mother but a little further on in the journey and it was kind of like a little kind of like a beacon of hope. You know what I mean? Like, you will get there, you will be able to do this. It's possible, just not right now.

Anne Bogel [00:20:03] I'm glad that book found you at the right time the first time. Rosalynn, tell me about a book that wasn't right for you.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:20:09] The book I chose was Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn. And I picked it up, even though it's not really the kind of thing that I would usually read but because there was just so much hoopla about it. Like it came out with a really big splash. Everywhere I looked there was this book, and I knew all these people who were reading it and saying it was so great. And I'm like, "Well, okay, I'm going to try it even though it's not my usual thing because I want to know what all the fuss is about," right?

So I started reading it, and I was like about halfway through, and I'm like, "Okay, I can see why people like this," because it really hooks you in immediately. But then like kind of halfway through there's this shocking twist, which I won't spoil for anyone who hasn't read it yet. But it's the kind of twist that makes you reevaluate everything you've already read and like how much you can trust the characters you've already met.

It felt kind of icky. It didn't feel like, "Ooh, surprise, plot twist." It felt like I'd been duped. Like I'd been kinda manipulated. And I was like, "Oh, I didn't like that feeling," but I still couldn't put it down. So I kept reading and it just gets kind of darker.

And it made me feel kind of icky in two ways because it's like the characters are pretty bad people doing pretty bad stuff. Also, just the fact that I couldn't stop reading it even though it was making me feel bad. You know what I mean? I was like, "I can't put this book down yet it's making me feel terrible." It wasn't an enjoyable reading experience. Like it's not a bad book, but I didn't enjoy the experience of reading it.

I'm glad that I finished it but it also kind of showed me that I'm like, "Okay, from now on I'm just going to pick up books that I'm interested in. I'm not going to listen to like the buzz and the hoopla and all that because it's not necessarily a good predictor for me of whether I'm gonna like it."

Anne Bogel [00:22:05] That's a good way to feel and you learn something about yourself, which is that I think the descriptors you used on the books you love are really representative of what you've looked to find in the books you're reading. You use phrases like "it's like having a conversation with a friend." "It's wonderfully human." "Funny and heartwarming." French Exit you called it a really funny and also quite sad and you really enjoy that blend.

I think humanity on the page is something that you enjoy in your books. And that's not what you found in Gone Girl. Now sometimes we can love very disparate things but it sounds like wonderfully human is something that you do look for in books that tend to characterize books you love.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:22:47] Yeah. Like I don't have to necessarily like all of the characters but I do... I like a well-drawn depth of character, I guess, even if it's a character that I don't particularly like.

Anne Bogel [00:23:03] Well, do you feel like they weren't fully fleshed out and humanized in Gone Girl, or did you just not like them in the emotions that reading experience generated?

Rosalynn Tyo [00:23:11] It made me feel really kind of queasy to have to kind of identify with the characters and what they do. Like she goes really deep into the dark side, I guess, of human nature. So I can appreciate it, but I didn't enjoy it.

Anne Bogel [00:23:27] Okay. So human foibles, human failings-

Rosalynn Tyo [00:23:31] Yeah.

Anne Bogel [inaudible 00:23:31]

Rosalynn Tyo [00:23:32] Oh, yes.

Anne Bogel [00:23:33] But the out now[b] devious and destructive maybe not for you.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:23:37] Yeah, I guess. Yeah. It was a little too dark for me.

Anne Bogel [00:23:41] Okay, duly noted. Rosalynn, what have you been reading lately?

Rosalynn Tyo [00:23:46] I just finished a book called Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt. And I really love that. I also recently read Lessons in Chemistry by Bonnie Garmus. And that's really great too.

Anne Bogel [00:24:02] Do you want to tell me about Circe unseating the Goldfinch?

Rosalynn Tyo [00:24:05] Oh, yeah. So the first book of the year that I rent [c]and really stuck with me even though it was over a month ago now was Circe. I really love that book. Like for years I've said that The Goldfinch is my favorite book, but I think Circe-

Anne Bogel [00:24:18] Oh, you do love long books.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:24:19] Yeah. I do. I do love long books.

Anne Bogel [00:24:25] But Circe unseated it.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:24:26] Yeah. I've never read anything quite like it. Have you read Circe?

Anne Bogel [00:24:32] I have.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:24:33] I didn't know too much about the story going in because it's the story of Greek gods and goddesses, Greek mythology. So I was kind of like familiar with the names and vaguely familiar with some of the more, you know, famous stories in Greek mythology, but I didn't know Circe's story, I didn't really know what to expect. And I really loved it.

I was really drawn into her character. It was interesting just as I read through just like names popping up that I recognize. Like, oh. You know, like getting all the backstory on all these themes, Greek gods and goddesses that I only knew by name. So that it was really fascinating from that perspective but also just the writing is beautiful. I mean, it's Greek mythology, so the plot is also very propulsive.

Anne Bogel [00:25:20] Is this one you'll be coming back to?

Rosalynn Tyo [00:25:22] Oh, definitely. Yeah, I definitely plan to reread Circe.

Anne Bogel [00:25:25] I'm happy to hear it. Rosalynn, I know that you are on the lookout for some very specific books in your reading life right now. As we start considering titles that may be right for you right now, what are the kinds of things you're hoping to find?

Rosalynn Tyo [00:25:40] I'm particularly looking for family stories, and I'm looking for books in which grief is a theme because I've just started this book club for widows and widowed parents, and our plan is to read books in which grief is a theme but not necessarily like super sad, unrelentingly bleak, you know, books about death, you know?

Anne Bogel [00:26:08] Like, I'm looking for kind of uplifting family stories in which grief is a theme, I guess, in books that are going to have enough in there to discuss, I guess. Like good picks for a book club.

Anne Bogel [00:26:20] Would you tell me more about how this book club came to be?

Rosalynn Tyo [00:26:23] Oh, sure. So here in Waterloo, we have this not-for-profit community that supports widowed parents that's called Hummingbird Centre for Hope. And the director of the community asked me if I would start a book club for the community. And I said, "Sure." And then I had to tell her like, you know, I have never actually hosted a book club before. Like, I've never even really been in a book club before. And she was like, "That's alright. You know, we'll make it work." So that's the plan.

And our first meeting is next month, and I think we have about 12 members signed up now, but I've only ever met one in real life. So I'm looking forward to meeting everyone and hopefully choosing some good books to read together.

Anne Bogel [00:27:13] What are you hoping to find in this book club that was assigned to you? And yet hearing you talk about it and reading what you've said about it, it sounds like you're really... that it's your baby, Rosalynn.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:27:25] Well, I'm hoping to find, I guess, a community of widows and widowers like myself who also really love to read and just to see elements of our experience, I guess, reflected back in print. I find reading about families that are like mine, like families with just one parent makes you feel a little less alone because it can be kind of lonely to be a single parent. I guess I'm looking for like a real-life community of fellow readers who are also single parents, but also fictional community of one-parent families.

Anne Bogel [00:28:07] And how does this fit into your reading intentions?

Rosalynn Tyo [00:28:10] Well, I'm thinking like any book that I'm going to read for book club I'm almost automatically going to reread because I'm the sort of reader who like on a first read... Like I read quickly because I just want to kind of get to know the characters and see what's going to happen with them. But I don't like to make notes and my memory is not super good so I don't like retain the details super well.

So if I know I'm going to be discussing it as part of a book club, I'll read it a second time, and read it a second time more carefully. So I guess I'm looking for books that I'll stand up to that, that I can enjoy on a second read and find things maybe that I didn't find the first time. So I'm looking for, I guess, books that are going to be thought-provoking and have like some big themes in there. But I guess also, maybe not.

Again, I'm gonna say this again, super long books. Because I need to read it twice. I know that some of the members of the book club aren't going to have as much time for reading as I do or are in earlier phases of grief, where it's harder to focus for long periods on a book. Yeah, I'm looking for books that will repay rereading, and maybe aren't difficult to reread, and that they're like maybe very long or very dense.

Anne Bogel [00:29:29] Thank you for telling me about that. That helps as we consider what books will be right for you and also perhaps for your book club. And if it sounds good to you, I'm going to keep an eye out for titles across a variety of genres, and also age of the protagonist, and the specifics of the situation. Does that sound like a good idea?

Rosalynn Tyo [00:29:46] Yes.

Anne Bogel [00:29:46] Okay. You also had mentioned that you're always on the hunt for books about one-parent families in general.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:29:54] Yes. I really love them because they make you feel less alone and less unusual. You know, I may be the only one on my street but I'm definitely not the only one out there.

Anne Bogel [00:30:07] That's what fiction can reassure us of. And a good memoir too. I am eyeing one or two of those.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:30:12] Yes.

Anne Bogel [00:30:15] Rosalynn, I know that the books you love are those adjectives and phrases we already talked about: wonderfully human, portraying people doing their best, that are funny and heartwarming. They can be sad, but also quite funny. I'm going to keep that in mind. But I think we also may venture a little bit afield from there, knowing that there will be a range of tastes in your book club. Oh, although I just remember you promised people reads that would not be nonstop depressing.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:30:42] Yeah. Right.

Anne Bogel [00:30:45] Well, that might negate the first book I was just going to tell you about.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:30:48] That's okay if they're not all fit for the book club, you know. I am okay with a sad book.

Anne Bogel [00:30:56] Well, the one I was wondering about, and I'm thinking about your professed love for found family stories and those portraying unconventional families, the Coloradoan author, Kent Haruf, writes books that are often quiet, compact, sometimes quietly devastating. I found him, thanks to What Should I Read Next? listeners. And I've been slowly working my way through the back catalog over the years.

And the one that's coming to mind for me is Plainsong. It's a small-town Colorado story. In it, he weaves three families together in ways that are surprising to the reader and definitely surprising to the characters in the novel. And in this book, they're all dealing with their own private tragedies. And you see them at the beginning of the book things aren't good, and then they get worse.

But Haruf brings them together in ways the characters do not expect. Like a high schooler gets pregnant, and a neighbor who knows these two households, makes a suggestion and then pushes a little bit and then a little bit more for her to make her home for the time being with these two old bachelors who have lived together a lonely life for a long time. That's just one example of the three families that come together in this book.

And while their circumstances are so sad, there's also this profound sense of goodness that comes to the reader watching these lonely sad people find each other and find comfort and solace in it. And this book is more likely to make you reach for the tissues then laugh out loud. I don't think that's going to happen here. But they feel so profoundly right in the way they show people turning to each other, and finding unexpected consolation from unexpected sources in grief.

And all his books are pretty compact. This is not his shortest, but it's not a big lift page count-wise, meaning it might be easier to come back to.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:32:53] That sounds great.

Anne Bogel [00:32:54] I hope so. Now I want to go to a direction that is less expected. Something that you wrote to me was that you were interested in reading about protagonists who are widows but are not mired in that initial hazy stage of grief. Because you said that it's easy for that stage to be romanticized and that frankly, it was less interesting to you than what comes after when the person has begun to adapt and grow and gain the perspective that only comes with the passage of time.

And we can see that in literary fiction, we can see it in a memoir, we can see it in lots of genres. And I want to point out a title in a direction that you might not think to look, and that is to the older work of Taylor Jenkins Reid, which has a different tone than her more recent novels. She really started in a new trajectory with The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo. This was the book she wrote right before that. And it came out in 2016. It's called One True Loves.

You know, I probably should say with all of this that I am not someone who knows this experience firsthand. This is an experience that I can see in the lives of some friends and then fiction, but that is the extent of my experience. So I imagine we will have very different reactions to all these books.

But the simplest way to describe this is it's like that Tom Hanks movie, Castaway. But in this version, in this book, Tom Hanks, the character, comes home just before the wedding. So this is the story of a young woman named Emma. The characters are in their... I believe they're in their 20s. The oldest they're in their early 30s. But they're not old and they do not have children at this point in the story.

[00:34:26] The protagonist married her high school sweetheart, Jesse, when she was in her 20s. And they were both adventurous. They traveled the world together. They were happy. She was a journalist, I think he wrote for an adventure magazine. But then his helicopter disappears over the Pacific and he is presumed dead in an accident.

So the story really focuses on three years later after she has moved back home and made a new life for herself. And she's even fallen in love and is thinking this is the person she's going to marry. But then right at the cusp of that she gets a call that he's been found, and she's suddenly forced to choose between the husband she thought was gone forever—I mean, she's been living as the widow—and the man who she feels like has helped her learn to live again.

But what she's really exploring here, with a light touch, because this is not the same tone as Plainsong by any means. But she's showing how when we've lived through something it changes us, and that's not undone because you get a phone call. This is a book that does get tied up with a bow.

So if neat and tidy resolutions are not for you, Rosalynn, or readers, this probably isn't the right story for you. But there is a lot to discuss in a book that really goes down easy. Like this is one that you could just flip the pages through. Also, I just need to put in a note for book lovers, the protagonist, Emma, her family owns a bookstore, and that features prominently in the story.

And I have to tell you a really touching scene about how we care for the grieving is in this book. I don't think it's giving too much away to say that, Emma, for all intents and purposes, everything she knows is that her spouse has died. She is seeking comfort in books. And the first book she reads, the husband dies.

So there's a scene where her mother and father are just sitting on the floor in the living room... I'm probably making up too many details. This is how I picture in my mind. But they're sitting on the floor with just stacks of books beside them, just reading them to make sure they can give their daughter a stack of books where nobody dies.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:36:19] Oh.

Anne Bogel [00:36:20] And I still remember that all these years later.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:36:22] Ah, that sounds great.

Anne Bogel [00:36:24] Another book that might be set too close to the deaths of spouses to really be what you're looking for, but I'm going to tell you about it and let you decide, is Harry's Trees by Jon Cohen. And he was actually on the podcast years ago. Readers, that's a really fun episode where we talk about fiction and magic and escaping into books and making the magical real.

Well, this is a grownup sort of fairy tale that is about grief and also redemption and forgiveness and joy. And it's set in the Pennsylvania forest. And in this book, a man and a woman are both surprisingly widowed, young ages by terrible accidents. And in this story, they improbably find each other.

So this is about unlikely friendships. There's a book within a book, there's a found family, there's a battle to save the local library. It can be a little sentimental, but the book also has such a strong sense of humor. And I think that's a nice balance for you. So the phrases funny and heartwarming, characters doing their best in hard circumstances, wonderfully human, I think those phrases could all apply here.

And I'd like to put in a plug for the works of Marisa de los Santos. In general, she writes gentle stories of grief and loss and love. And she stays with her characters in her interlinked novels for the long haul. So you see them at all different ages and stages, and across the generations.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:37:53] Ah, that sounds really interesting.

Anne Bogel [00:37:56] I'd like to end with two memoirs. Can we do that?

Rosalynn Tyo [00:37:57] Sure.

Anne Bogel [00:37:59] Okay. The first is by poet Elizabeth Alexander. It's called The Light of the World. Do you know this one?

Rosalynn Tyo [00:38:06] No. I feel like I've talked about it a lot.[d] And I expect it's rather well-known as the next one we're going to talk about honestly. But I'm going to read you the opening words from this book. It says, "The story seems to begin with catastrophe, but in fact, began earlier and is not a tragedy, but rather a love story.

And in this book, her husband, artist, teacher, larger than life, full of joy, he dies just four days after his 50th birthday completely unexpectedly. And this memoir is written with the perspective of some past time. And she's looking back on their life together, the love that they shared, and the impact of that loss in her life.

And I know you love words that are worth coming back to because of the way they're laid out on the page. She is a poetry professor at Yale. She knows how to make the words fall in the right order. That's so obvious in the story's richness and language. And she has so much wonderful source material to work with.

She's an American born in Harlem. Her husband was born in Eritrea in East Africa, he came to New Haven as a refugee from war. They were both artists. And she describes the gatherings of people they have together in her home, the kinds of conversations they enjoyed having over breakfast, the way they parented their children together, and now she's parenting her children alone. There's so much here to recommend to many readers.

And it is a sad story, of course, because she's writing about the loss of this great love in this great man. But also, this book is so joyous, and I think that coexistence of those two things would make this a really satisfying read for you and a really promising one for your group.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:39:50] Oh, okay. Yeah, that sounds really good.

Anne Bogel [00:39:52] Finally, Tell Me More by Kelly Corrigan. I feel like this is also quite well-known. This book is not grieving the loss of a spouse, although we do see that second hand in the pages. This is in many ways both about the loss of Kelly's friend Liz to cancer, who she's written about in previous books, and also the loss of her 80-something-year-old father. And she says frequently, like, People think it's not normal or fitting for a grown woman to be this broken up over the death of her 80-something-year-old father, but let me tell you how I loved him, and let me tell you how he loved me, and let me talk to you about what grief really means."

But in this book, she talks in-depth about how after her friend Liz was diagnosed with cancer, they both pushed past the surface stuff to forge a powerful and enduring friendship. And because Kelly and her friend Liz are friends along with their husbands, we do hear about Liz is dying and leaving behind her husband. She knows that. And her husband knows that she is dying before his eyes. And that's very much in the pages. And it's so sad, and yet, this book is also, I think, so life-giving.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:40:55] I have read Tell Me More, and I loved it. But it's been a while, I could definitely go back and reread Tell Me More. I love Kelly Corrigan.

Anne Bogel [00:41:05] I'm glad to hear it. And I'd be interested in hearing if you think this is a book worth rereading. She says these are stories. It's very story driven about the 12 hardest things she's learning to say. And it's about loss but it's also very much about things we've mentioned today. Like it's about parenting and friendship and getting clear on your own stuff and then what that means for going out and living in the world. You can have some amazing discussions about this book.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:41:30] Somewhere I read that somebody described Kelly Corrigan as I think the Poet Laureate of the ordinary. Does that sound right?

Anne Bogel [00:41:38] Wow, that's very flattering.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:41:39] Yeah, she really gets right into all that like domestic stuff and holds nothing back. You know, like things she writes about herself, I'm like, "Oh, my gosh." Like she tells the truth even if it's not particularly flattering. You know what I mean? I really admire that about her. I think she's a great writer.

Anne Bogel [00:42:00] I'm glad to hear that. And you know, sometimes we need a writer to tell those stories so that we can talk about them in book club, when we're working up to telling our own. Oh, you know, we could talk about a long book, Rosalynn, if you wanted to.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:42:13] Okay.

Anne Bogel [00:42:14] Have you read The Most Fun We Ever Had by Claire Lombardo?

Rosalynn Tyo [00:42:17] I have not. I have heard of it, though. I have not.

Anne Bogel [00:42:20] This is a big sprawling mix-it-up family story. It's not as long as The Goldfinch. This is only 500 pages. There's a lot happening here. It's the story of a married couple and their four grown daughters. The parents have gotten along all too well over the years in the daughters' lives. They feel like they, in their relationships, can never measure up to the great love of their parents. And that doesn't always do great things for the sisterly bond.

But in the opening pages, one daughter reveals a huge family secret, and then the novel tracks what happens in the next year of every family member's life. So, of course, in a big family story everybody is dealing with lots of stuff. But specifically in this book, the eldest daughter was widowed young, and though many years have gone by now, she keenly feels the loss. And the way that plays out in the story, I think that could be an interesting thread for you, and perhaps for your book club, if a 500-page book isn't automatically disqualified for length.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:43:23] I guess we'll have to see how it goes and then like what everybody in the group how they feel about super long books. But it definitely sounds good to me. Like I'll definitely read it.

Anne Bogel [00:43:34] No, I wouldn't make it your first pick or second. Claire of the books we talked about today, and we actually talked about a lot of them at the end. We talked about The Light of the World by Elizabeth Alexander, Plainsong by Kent Haruf, Harry's Trees BY Jon Cohen, One True Loves by Taylor Jenkins Reid, Tell Me More by Kelly Corrigan, The Most Fun We Ever Had by Claire Lombardo. Of those books, what do you think you may pick up next?

Rosalynn Tyo [00:44:00] I think I'll probably look for Plainsong first. But I'll be reading all of them, I think.

Anne Bogel [00:44:07] Well, I'm excited to hear how they work out for you. And Rosalynn I'm wishing you well, and also all the best as you start this book club.

Rosalynn Tyo [00:44:18] Thank you. Thank you so much for having me on the show.

Anne Bogel [00:44:20] Oh, it was my pleasure. Thanks for talking books with me today.

[00:44:27] Hey readers, I hope you enjoyed my discussion with Rosalynn, and I'd love to hear what you think she should read next. Find the full list of titles we talked about today at whatshouldireadnextpodcast.com.

Make sure you're following in Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Overcast, wherever you get your podcasts. Join us over on Instagram @whatshouldireadnext and find me there @annebogel. We love seeing you tag us whenever you share your favorite episodes on social, and it's a quick and easy way to share this podcast with your friends.

Thanks to the people who make this show happen. What Should I Read Next? is created each week by Will Bogel, Holly Wielkoszewski, and Studio D Podcast Production. Readers, that's it for this episode. Thanks so much for listening. And as Rainer Maria Rilke said, "Ah! how good it is to be among people who are reading." Happy reading, everyone.

[a]Wondering if this should be "vibe"? A random number doesn't make sense.

[b]out and out?

[c]read?

[d]Anne is talking again here, not the guest

Books mentioned in this episode:

• Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery
2 A.M. at the Cat’s Pajamas by Marie-Helene Bertino
❤ French Exit by Patrick DeWitt
❤ High Tide in Tucson: Essays from Now or Never by Barbara Kingsolver 
Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn
• Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt
• Lessons in Chemistry by Bonnie Garmus
• Circe by Madeline Miller 
• The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt 
• Plainsong by Kent Haruf 
• The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid 
• One True Loves by Taylor Jenkins Reid 
• Harry’s Trees by Jon Cohen
• Marisa De Los Santos (try I’ll Be Your Blue Sky)
• The Light of the World: A Memoir by Elizabeth Alexander
• Tell Me More: Stories about the 12 Hardest Things I’m Learning to Say by Kelly Corrigan
• The Most Fun We Ever Had by Claire Lombardo 

Also mentioned:

• Kevin Sullivan Anne of Green Gables films
• WSIRN Episode 160: Books that capture the magic of everyday life with Jon Cohen


71 comments

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  1. Caroline McDaniel says:

    The conversation with Rosalynn reminded me of the book The Way Through the Woods: On Mushrooms and Mourning by Litt Woon Long. She might love it!

    • Tessa says:

      I came here to say this! This book was about finding yourself after a loss and also really got me interested in mushrooms. She clearly loved and missed her husband but wasn’t focused on the hardest days.

  2. Rachel says:

    Two books that came to mind – The House on the Cerulean Sea by T. J. Klune (found family) and The Kitchen Front by Jennifer Ryan (one of the several main characters is dealing with the loss of her husband due to WWII, but it’s not the main plot of the book).

  3. Kate says:

    I really loved this episode, as it has motivated me to pick up Plainsong and 2am at the Cat’s Pajamas, both on my unread shelf. Rosalynn might enjoy The Garden of Small Beginnings by Abbi Waxman, in which the main character is a widow with three small children. I remember the story being sweet and not too heavy. It was an enjoyable read.

  4. Janice Cunning says:

    Rosalynn have you read The Light Streamed Beneath It? It is a Canadian memoir by comedian Shawn Hitchins. It is described by the publisher as “a modern gay memoir exploring love, death, pain, and community that will resonate long after the last page.”

  5. Sarah says:

    Another book that I think would be a great match for the book club is The Guncle by Steven Rowley. It’s definitely one of those funny and sad books, a rare one that made me cry from both sadness and laughing really hard.

    • Rosalynn says:

      I have read The Guncle, just a few weeks ago. And yes, it’s both very funny and heartbreaking, at times, though uplifting overall. Hadn’t considered it for the club but I agree, could be a good pick!

  6. Catherine Barrett says:

    Anxious People by Fredrik Backman could be a good pick. Grief is definitely a major theme, and Backman’s books always feel optimistic to me. I also thought of The Book of Unknown Americans by Cristina Henriquez and Infinite Country by Patricia Engel, which both have themes of love and grief centering around immigration. Lastly, I’m finishing up Under the Whispering Door by TJ Klune right now, and that could be good too; it’s all about death and loss, but has Klune’s signature humor too.

    • Rosalynn says:

      Catherine, I haven’t read any of these but they all sound great. Infinite Country was already on my TBR – pretty sure I heard about it on the Strong Sense of Place podcast. Thanks so much for all these suggestions!

  7. Goosegirl (Lu VB) says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your book loves, dilemmas, and the hurdles that currently stand between you and the books you feel would fulfil you most at the moment. Reading all the above comments, I’m definitely going to seek out The Garden of Small Beginnings,as well as those suggested in the podcast. I’m not sure if this one fits your criteria exactly, but a recent surprise for me was Beth O’Leary’s The No show. It initially seems a very light and predictable rom com, bit soon its clear it is going to explore grief, self worth, fear of taking up space, and learning to trust others and oneself. It also has twists, and dramatic reveals that totally changed my perceptions of the characters. Xxx

  8. Stephanie Smith says:

    Rosalyn, I think you might enjoy the book Other Birds, since you mentioned liking unique stories about found families.

  9. Catherine B. says:

    I immediately thought of the Guncle and Anxious People too for book club picks. Heavy or serious situations with uplifting and humorous moments and hope – they made a real impression on me during my own intense season of grief but provided an escape of entertainment, too.
    Found families and female friendships theme with elements of grief: The One Hundred Years of Lenni and Margot by Marianne Cronin and also The Sweet By and By from Todd Johnson (I cannot believe these characters were written by a man but they were and are hilarious!).
    No Happy Endings: a Memoir by Nora McInerny or anything she has written and her Podcast, Terrible, Thanks for Asking – exploring all kinds and types of grief made me feel less alone or isolated as the world moved on around me. I love your special book club project and send you all the best!

    • Wendy says:

      Hi Catherine,

      I loved Anxious People and No Happy Endings (highly recommend the audio version as Nora is great! It might be a little too light for the book club, as it was written for children, but listening to the podcast made me think of Cynthia Rylant’s The Van Gogh Cafe, which I read to my sons when they were young. I may just have to go re-read it!

  10. Elizabeth says:

    Loved this episode and hearing about your trip to PEI. I’m so sorry for your loss. I have two possible additional recommendations for your book club:

    The Invisible Husband of Frick Island by Colleen Oakley –
    Frick Island is an island of less than 100 people that has no internet or cars and can only be reached by ferry. A reporter is sent to the island for a story about their annual cake walk and discovers Piper, a woman whose husband is presumed lost at sea but can’t bear the loss so acts as if he is still there and everyone in town goes along with it. Quirky characters and charming setting with an interesting look at how people find it hard to talk about loss.

    The Two Lives of Lydia Bird by Josie Silver – On Lydia’s 28th birthday the love of her life, Freddie, dies in a car accident. She wants to fall apart, but then realizes every time she takes a certain sleeping pill she experiences life with Freddie. She ultimately has to decide in which world she will live (if I recall correctly, there are some sad parts of this book).

    • Rosalynn says:

      Elizabeth, The Invisible Husband of Frick Island sounds like the perfect book for me! I’m all about books set on small islands 🙂 This one is going near the top of my TBR, for sure.

  11. Susan says:

    I loved A Three Dog Life by Abigail Thomas. It does have heavy themes, and her situation was a bit different, but definitely about loss,grief and coming to terms with how you move on in life.
    Gail Caldwell is a journalist here in Boston and wrote about losing her best friend to cancer. They navigate the death together in Let’s Take the Long Way Home: A Memoir of Friendship. It is beautifully written. New Life, No Instructions was also moving, but about her personal struggles with illness and the band of friends that helped her through.

  12. Laura Freeman says:

    What a sweet listen for my Wednesday! I’m also a Kent Haruf and Plainsong fan. Rosalynn may be my Canadian book twin. Both she and Anne come across as gentle, kind souls I would choose as friends. I’m not a widow and not a Canadian but would love to be in Rosalynn’s book club. Best wishes with that endeavor. What a gift to that community. And as an English teacher, I must say, her daughters are blessed to have her as their book-loving parent!

    • Rosalynn says:

      Thanks so much, Laura! You are so kind. I sometimes find myself focusing on the things my daughters aren’t getting, from me as their only parent. For example, I don’t do team sports, and am just plain terrible at math – both areas my husband would have covered, and super well, to boot. So it’s really nice to be reminded of my strengths. 🙂

  13. Queen Sansa Stark says:

    I LOVE The Most Fun We Ever Had. I saw myself and my sisters and parents in it over and over; it takes pride of place as my favorite book of 2022.

    I too wish I reread more, Rosalynn! This was a great listen.

    • Rosalynn says:

      I’m very excited for that one! Just from what Anne said about it, I expect to see my own family of origin in there, too. My parents have the epitome of a stable, loving marriage so yep, they definitely set a high bar for my/my siblings’ idea of marriage, for better and worse. The funny thing is, I know my mom is about to read this book as well, after listening to the episode, so that should be interesting 😉

  14. Karen McGlamery says:

    I just listened to your episode, Rosalynn, and I love so many of the same books that you do – the Anne series, Lessons in Chemistry, Remarkably Bright Creatures, and I DNF’d Gone Girl – ick! I will definitely be reading your favorites and Anne’s picks for you! I’d like to recommend a memoir called Here If You Need Me by Kate Braestrup for your book club. Kate and her husband have 4 kids and he unexpectedly died. She becomes a Unitarian Universalist chaplain for the Maine Warden service, so the book relates her own experiences with her and her children’s grief and also the experiences she has in her work. I loved her gentle tone, the way she and her kids relate to each other, and her outlook on life. I enjoyed hearing your WSIRN episode, and I think it’s lovely that you are going to facilitate a book club!

    • Tracey says:

      Here if You Need Me sounds so good! Incidentally, I recently started attending UU services and have been looking for books to read about the UU world (that have a narrative arc, I don’t think I could read a theory book right now) so this doubles as that for me. Thank you for sharing about this book I might never have come across otherwise!

    • Rosalynn says:

      Thanks so much, Karen. I’m with Tracey, not sure I ever would have come across this book without your recommendation, but it sounds fascinating. Adding it to my list 🙂

  15. Wendy C says:

    Rosalynn – loved your episode!! I agree with Anne on recommending Marisa de los Santos books (Love Walked In series). Also I was thinking of Nora Goes Off Script, which has a single mother (although not widowed) and is a fun read – not as predictable as you might think.

  16. Ashley DeRamus says:

    Thank you Rosalynn for bringing the young widow representation to WSIRN! I have wanted to have an episode like this, but with the opposite of your objective in leaning in to widowhood and grief. (i.e. my real life as a widowed mom is hard enough, I don’t need dead husbands and dead loves ones in my reading!) It was so interesting to hear the other side of the coin, especially searching out books with one parent!

    • Rosalynn says:

      Oh my gosh, Ashley. Would you believe I hadn’t even considered avoiding books with death in them?! I suspect there are just as many widows on your side of the coin as mine. I’m going to bring this up with the club, and see how everyone feels. Maybe we’ll end up alternating grief-related books with lighter, non-grief related ones!

  17. Belle says:

    I’m thinking about A Quiet Life by Ethan Joella and Winter Solstice by Rosamunde Pilcher for you, Rosalyn. Please know my heart is with you in your sadness, grief and healing. I am familiar. I understand.

  18. Lisa N says:

    Kate DiCamillo deals with themes of grief and perseverance in many of her books. Short, wise, and very re-readable. I’d start with Raymie Nightingale and Because of Winn-Dixie.

  19. Gloria says:

    I usually have *something* in common with the readers on this podcast, but Rosalynn, we have the same favourite book (Circe) and hated book (Gone Girl), and you share a name with my youngest daughter. (And I’m also in Ontario, me more north than you). Surprisingly though, I have not read any of your 3 loved books, but I will be checking them out! I am experiencing a hard phase of life right now and it has changed what I want and can read – the way you described these books makes me want to take a chance on them. Thanks for sharing and best of luck with your book club.

    • Rosalynn says:

      Gloria, that’s amazing! I spent a big chunk of my childhood in Northern Ontario. Maybe we’ve even crossed paths if you’re anywhere close to North Bay or the Sault 🙂

  20. Tracey says:

    I first thought of The Guncle and I see that you’ve read it. Another book that is about fried, among other things, and that deserves much more attention than it has received, is Little Blue Encyclopedia (for Vivian). It’s Canadian just like you (and me too). I also have a loved one in K-W area who is also widowed with kids and might be interested in your book club if she doesn’t already know about it. If you’re open to me sharing your contact info with her when I send her a link to your episode please email me at facilitrace (at) gmail (dot) com. No pressure if you’re not looking to expand the circle.

  21. Kerri says:

    I agree with Rosalynn about Gone Girl. Another book I felt the same way about was Where the Crawdads Sing. The twist that came right at the end had me wanting to throw the book across the room. I truly felt like the author betrayed me and didn’t buy the plot twist at all. Completely ruined the book for me.

  22. Nola Armstrong says:

    I would like to suggest
    The Storied Life of AJ Fikry by Gabrielle Zevin
    It’s a beautiful book about grief, love, friendship and life!
    BTW… loved the episode!

  23. Diane says:

    I thought this was such a beautiful episode!
    Everything Rosalynn said about Gone Girl was exactly what I thought of it too! I totally hate read it until I finished it at 3am!
    And “wonderfully human” really describes what I love about my favorite books. I put 2am at the Cat’s Pajamas on my Libby list as soon as Rosalynn started talking about it.
    There is a picture book that I thought I’d recommend: Boats for Papa by Jessixa Bagley. It’s about a little beaver and his mother living together by the sea while trying to remember and honour their missing father/ husband. It’s one of my favorite picture books.
    On the topic of grief, I thought I’d recommend Paul Monette’s memoir Borrowed Time. Monette chronicles his last few years with his lover Roger, who is dying of AIDS. The book is such an honest snapshot of the early days of the AIDS epidemic and the found families many gay men had to surround themselves with, and it’s also an intimate story of losing a loved one.
    Also wanted to recommend the cookbook A Year of Miracles: Recipes about Love, Grief, and Growing Things by Ella Risebridger. It’s a cookbook, but in between recipes Risebridger has written essays about moving forward after the death of her longtime boyfriend. I guess looked at it another way, the book could be called a memoir with recipes.
    Oh and one more – Paula Jilette’s book News of the World – the main character has been a widower for a while, but he finds himself reluctantly having to take charge of an 11 year old girl, and how his friendship with this girl challenges the life he’s established for himself.
    I hope Anne posts an update about what your bookclub ends up reading!

  24. Sandra VanWesterneng says:

    Happy to hear Anne of Green Gables mentioned. I am an Islander going on 60 years. Come play on our Island!

  25. Erin W says:

    I want to recommend my favorite book, I love it so much, I read it every year. It’s short, about a single mother ( not a widow, but it does address grief), a memoir in a unique format, and I think it would be great for a book club. Dear Mr. You by Mary Louise Parker (yes, the actress). It’s poetic and emotional, and even funny at times.

  26. Alexan B says:

    Rosalynn, I have quite literally pulled my car into a gas station so I can write this comment as I finish your podcast episode. We All Want Impossible Things by Catherine Newman sounds like a perfect pick for you and for your book club. I am desperate to get it in your hands! Haha. Thinking of you and your book club!

  27. Heather says:

    A book I kept thinking about is The Garden of Small Beginnings by Abbi Waxman. This book got me through a reading slump during heavy Covid times and I think about it often. It’s a great story about people coming together to improve surroundings and in the process they become like family. One of the main characters is a widow with young kids and her sister. Everyone is very likable and although there are tough topics (like the loss of a spouse) it didn’t feel heavy.

  28. Angela says:

    I loved your episode. A few books that come to mind around the theme of grief without being too heavy:
    – The Garden of Small Beginnings by Abbi Waxman – funny and touching story about a widowed mom coming out on the other side
    – Evvie Drake Starts Over by Linda Holmes – mature, single woman finding love again
    – Under the Whispering Door by TJ Klune – the book Klune wrote as he worked through his grief about his partner’s death
    – Other Birds by Sarah Addison Allen – magical realism with the theme of grief and finding community
    – Winter Solstice by Rosamunde Pilcher – creating community amidst grief; similar tone to books you liked
    – From Scratch by Tembi Locke – memoir about a widowed mother and her young child spending time in Sicily with her mother-in-law

  29. Nancy says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. I recommend The Wave. This is an old children’s book by Pearl S. Buck. A boy loses his family in a tsunami but is nurtured and cared for by friends. Is is hopeful with the themes of community and found family. It gave me great comfort when I grieved after a loss and found hope in my community. All my best to you!!

  30. Rebecca says:

    I thought of Joe Coomer’s “Pocketful of Names” during this episode for found family, finding your place, and finding joy in the world around you. A story that stuck with me for sure!

  31. Mary says:

    I think you should read A Little Hope, by Ethan Joella. I loved it. It’s short stories that come together to make a larger story, and many of the characters are dealing with grief. It might be good for your book club

  32. Suzanne says:

    Another suggestion for your book club is Root, Petal, Thorn by Ella Joy Olsen. A recently widowed mother struggling to find her footing decides to research the past inhabitants of her home, leading to the book telling the story of 5 different women going back a century. I wish it had been executed slightly better, but it was a really interesting premise.

    For non-spouse specific grief, I also recommend Writers and Lovers by Lily King for fiction and Everything is Horrible and Wonderful by Stephanie Wittels Wachs for memoir. Both had some of the most realistic descriptions of grief I’ve ever encountered.

  33. Jessica says:

    What a lovely episode! Thank you for sharing such a personal journey with us. Your sincerity and spirit shined through.

    A couple of things:
    First, two books that go hand in glove about single parenthood are Cheaper by the Dozen and the Secret History of Home Economics by Danielle Dreilinger. In Cheaper by the Dozen we learn about Frank and Lillian Gilbreth. And in the Secret History of Home Economics, it shares what Lillian did professionally later in life. I’d go into more details, but it spoils the ending of Cheaper by the Dozen.

    Secondly, I did a trip to PEI and did it wrong in about every way possible. It sounds like we have a local in this thread (@Denise), I wonder if a good blog post would be people sharing what to do and not to do for a trip to PEI. I can definitely tell you what not to do. 🙂 (Albeit the island was GORGEOUS. My expectations were wrong and my travel plans were not the best to get the most out of the experience.)

  34. Janice Johnston says:

    Rosalyn – thank you for your episode. I’m another Ontario girl with lots of North Bay and Sault connections. And I’ve experienced profound grief.

    I’m currently reading When All Is Said by Anne Griffin. Sweet, poignant. An old man, a widower, in Ireland sits alone at his local pub and has five toasts to the five most important people in his life. Each section is about his relationship with that special person and so we get his life story. He’s experienced his share of loss and love.

    And on a totally different note, if you’re into mystery books at all Jacqueline Winspear’s Maisie Dobbs series integrates grief throughout it, starting with the main character (the detective) who loses her fiancé in WWI. I’ve found it to be one of the better, more honest treatments of grief in fiction. Grief walks alongside the characters long-term as they live their lives.

    Sending many warm thoughts to you and your daughters.

  35. Jenny says:

    I always feel connected when I hear another widowed parent! I love Saturday Night Widows as a real and funny book about a widow finding herself alongside other widows! As a young widow, it gave me permission to laugh and cry as I saw myself in this book.

  36. Helen says:

    Rosalyn, I’m so sorry for your loss. I wanted to recommend Pack Up the Moon by Kristan Higgins. It’s a beautiful treatment of a husband’s grief in the first year after his wife’s death as he receives monthly letters she’d left for him with her best friend. I also wanted to recommend the classic kids books about The Five Little Peppers as a great series featuring a single parent family. I loved these when I was a kid and thought you might enjoy sharing them with your daughters if you do any family read alouds. The Penderwicks books are also fantastic and are about a family of kids with a widowed dad.

  37. Claudia Cunningham says:

    I was very moved by this podcast since I am also a widow and single mom. I found great comfort in reading memoirs, especially ones where people overcame hardships, like The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls and A Widow’s Walk by Marian Fontana. I also loved Good Grief by Lolly Winston which is hilariously funny too. And Ship Fever by Andrea Barrett is an excellent book of short stories which are sometimes easier to focus on than an entire book. Your book club sounds amazing, I wish I had thought to start one! Best wishes to you, Rosalyn… I have been where you are and have come through. You will too.

  38. Amy says:

    Rosalynn,
    Let me suggest the novel Rabbit Cake by Annie Hartnett for your book club (and of course for you). It’s narrated by Elvis, an eleven-year-old daughter (and little sister), whose family is collectively and individually figuring out how to cope with the death of their mother. The novel is darkly comic. It avoids bitterness and even scrapes together a little bit of hope. Elvis is the most wonderful narrator I’ve come across in years.

    I loved this episode. Your account of your trip to PEI brought up memories of my own trip there with my parents when I was 12, the age of your older daughter.

    Good luck with your book club and rereading quest. It’s such a worthy endeavor.

    PS: I just reread Rabbit Cake and liked it even more the second time through. 🙂

  39. Rawles Kelly says:

    So many great recommendations here! Totally second The Invisible Husband of Frick Island and Rabbit Cake! But for you personally, if your favorite book is Circe by Madeleine Miller, I recommend looking into The Witch’s Heart by Genevieve Gornichec. So well written by a Norse mythology scholar, it focuses on Angrboda, the Ironwood Witch, her husband Loki, and their three unusual children and how they change the world. I just finished it today and think you would love it! Really enjoyed your episode!!

  40. Kelly says:

    I just listened to this episode, and I must say I think it’s my favourite episode. As a fellow Canadian and widow, I really connected with what Rosalynn is looking for in her reading life and I was so intrigued by the bookclub! I am assuming it’s a local thing and not a virtual thing?

    These are a few books I’ve loved:
    – Come Away with Me by Karma Brown (Canadian author)
    – All the Lonely People by Mike Gayle
    – From Scratch by Tembi Locke (Memoir)
    – Maybe in Another Life by Taylor Jenkins Reid
    – The Dinner List by Rebecca Serle

    Additionally, I am currently reading The Collected Regrets of Clover by Mikki Brammer and I’ve really appreciated the open dialogue on death and dying.

  41. Clare says:

    This episode made me think of the book of form and emptiness. If you like the themes discussed (mothers, widowhood, unlikely families, etc.), you might enjoy it. It’s a bit sad, but very peaceful and beautiful and life-affirming. The author is very unique in that she’s also a Buddhist priest and this definitely colors the book. Oh, and the book is fiction.

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